I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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