I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Randomize
