I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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