i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
