Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
