god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
