I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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