Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
