You're completely useless in the revolution.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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