Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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