So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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