Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
