I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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