to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
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