At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
