...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
