dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
