On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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