I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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