Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
