Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
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she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I have feelings that need drinking.
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You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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