i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
They took my balls.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
