Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
