Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
