so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
