im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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