remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
