i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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