So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I made him laugh his dick is mine
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
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