Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
