So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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