they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
