the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
