I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
