i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
