Only a mothe r could love this liver
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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