I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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