Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
