planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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