just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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