i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
