remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
