Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
