happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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