Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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