just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
