i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
