i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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