HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
