Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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