I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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