Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
