dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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