he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
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