I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
