Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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