nut hugger
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
