Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
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Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
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I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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